How not to have a baby! [Part 2]

Posted by His Master's Review ⋅ August 31, 2013 ⋅ 1 Comment

Filed Under Condom, Flying Spaghetti Monster, Google, Intrauterine device, Marvin Gaye, Sex, Sexual intercourse, Sexually transmitted disease

Now that you have decided not to [based on the article last week], here are a few ways of preventing having kids when practicing making babies.

Baby DucksLicenseSome rights reserved by Dave Stokes

The methods here are for individuals with the potential to have a child through intercourse regardless of orientation, and are aimed at just introducing some ideas.

This is not about STD’s or sexual health at large.

Remember I’m not a health pro, just a friend, who is Med student. So always, always, always, see a doctor or sexual health professional about these things.

And definitely, don’t simply rely on the internet or your mother-in-law.

RELY ON 2 OF THE BELOW METHODS. There will always be a background chance that you and your partner get pregnant.

CONDOM: Both Sexes. If you don’t know what these are, don’t have sex. Ever!

Just kidding. In general (not only in preventing kids from appearing) it is in my uninformed opinion that all penetrating men and woman, should offer to wear a condom. Period. Assume it’s a yes unless otherwise stated by the receptive partner.

In terms of preventing having children, a lot of things can go wrong with a condom. They expire, they may be poorly made, they may break… Most people don’t actually know how to use a condom, so here is a video

THE PILL: For females. It is a hormonal way of preventing pregnancy. It needs to be taken as directed and strictly. They will be coming out with a version for men soon, maybe!

IMPLANTS: For females again; it is another hormonal type contraceptive. Small rod of hormone is placed underneath the skin in the arm usually. That’s about as much as I know. Google and go see a doctor.

DIAPHRAGM: For females. It’s an option but… Yeh nah… Google it. You will probably think the same. Yeh nah…

INTRAUTERINE DEVICES: For females. So this is one of the most effective and user friendly contraceptives out there. But, this is a day procedure and you need consultation with a doctor.

SURGERY: Both Sexes. They tie or remove the bits and pieces of your internal reproductive system. Ugh. See a doctor about this one as well. And don’t do it yourself!

ABSTINENCE or MASTURBATION. Both Sexes. Don’t fu%&, instead, go fu&% yourself. 100% EFFECTIVE.

Read books, study, play sport, play music (not Marvin Gaye or Minnie Ripperton), fear God or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, chill, take your friends or partner out on a date, watch a movie, hang out together reading books (reading is baller, like that one book ‘Tender is the night’ – for real gangsta’s of life only).

Sex is really complicated.

There is more to it like STD’s, psychological influences, the media, dominance and submission, ideologies that formed society etc, etc, etc.

So please remember that everything must be taken in the correct psychological, societal, cultural, and individual context.

Make an individual decision, independent of my bullshit, or anyone else’s.

See a doctor and stay healthy.

By Harvey Dandy, Contributor, hismastersreview